I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
