I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
