Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I am morally bankrupt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
