i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
