You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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