If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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