Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
