I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
