I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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