first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
