i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
