i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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