Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize