In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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