I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
