she was so not down for the gang bang
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
PANTIES FOUND
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