If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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