I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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