she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
