I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
