I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
