I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
