I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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