I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
