Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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