Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
