Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
