i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize