I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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