The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize