you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize