Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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