Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
NoShamevember. You game?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
