What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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