She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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