Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you. Go after that dick
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
