what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
