its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
