Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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