i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize