Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
