i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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