You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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