We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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