Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
