she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
