and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize