I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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