Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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