you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
