Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
