The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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