So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
