I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
