i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
