can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
