i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
