i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
