Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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