Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
