yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
