I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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