He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
