i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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