needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
