I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
