i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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