Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
