I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
