I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
