she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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