ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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