his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
