i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
